single-minded in faith

"2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. "
James 1:2-7

exams.over.forever?

i can't explain my feelings now.. fell sick last night with a terrible flu and sore throat, right after the exams ended. Felt confident during the paper, but after i submitted it, felt strangely the opposite. Like a typical pisces, i began being over-the-tip sensitive about how i performed in the paper. a sick fearing of the worst came over me.

woke up this morning after a night of interrupted sleep. for some reason, i was awake most of the time trying to will myself to sleep. this is the 2nd time this has ever happened. and i'm fearing that there'll be more to come.

in the darkness of the room, with just a shade of moonlight coming through the window, i could feel the time stand still. freezing in its tracks. no motion and sound around me. the only thing i hear is my own breathing.. for a minute i thought i was drifting into sleep, but something just kept me away from rest.. i can't pin-point what. i just know that my mind's full of endless thoughts, and my body is aching for its due rest.

before i know it, i opened my eyes again. this time the sun's risen, and my clock says ten past nine. how long have i been asleep? don't know. but not long.

my head's aching, my body's still tired, my nose's blocked and my throat feels terribly sore. and my mind, my mind's still full of yesterday's worries, today's burden and tomorrow's uncertainties. why does everything seems to go wrong?

i'm asking God, why am i feeling this way? i'm praying for an answer.. and it has not come.

Is He asking for me to have more faith? or m i to be more patient? probably.

But amidst all, I just pray, that in God's will, everything will be alright.

the end of part I

Just completed my first 5 weeks of attachment..and now it's time to prepare my exams and take home papers for next week!

a)musculoskeletal paper (70% )
b)neuro take home exam (50% )
c)cardiopulmonary assignment (50% )...all due on Wed, the 20th of May! :(

I'm unsure of how the paper is going to be like.. so it's quite unsettling.

Right after this would be my next 5 weeks of attachment at a new place. another part of a long long journey.

7 more weekends to freedom.... counting down and looking forward to my dear friends who will be coming to visit!~ :)

"Trust in the Lord with all thy heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He will make thy paths straight." Pro 3:5-6

recharge please!

i'm just tiredd. feeling the strain of continuous presentations, assignments and upcoming exams..nothing short of exhaustion.. like a car tank running low in fuel after a long haul.

i need rest. sleep. and good food.